Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
