i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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