I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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