oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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