Sponge bath it is.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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