she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
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If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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