Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
