I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
