Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
