alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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