we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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