I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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