I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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