You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
