Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
