I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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