So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
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I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
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Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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