Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
