that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders