hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
