You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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