420 ftw
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
