I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
