I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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