Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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