Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
