he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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