if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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