So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
