I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
