Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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