and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
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He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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