Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
