I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
