omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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