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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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