ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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