very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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