somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish i was in the wii world.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
