The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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