you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
