direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
