I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
bring money and cleavage
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
