She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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