she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
