i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
