I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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