I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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