Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
