today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
