there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
