enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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