last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
