Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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