I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
