so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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