Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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