I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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