Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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