you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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