a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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