she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
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Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I forget how to act sober
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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