he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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