why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
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I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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