I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
