I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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