so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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