Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
